Saturday, May 13, 2006

I just came back from youth.. and damn, i feel so.. bitter and angry.

Why is it i try so hard to make people laugh?
Why is it that i try so hard to make people like me?
Why do i try to be frank when i end up being insulted in every single way when i open up?

I heard somewhere that it is good to open up and stop bottling feelings. But what is the use when one become more vulnerable and in the end the knowledge is used to hurt them?

We had this sharing with the person facilitating the discussion. So they asked what are the three things that we would pray and ask God to grant us.

Mine, it was
1) To be a blessing to others
2) To love others.
3) ...

I can't remember the third one.. because i didn't say it out after all. Because as soon as i said the first one.. i think i was given a strange look and was asked... 'isn't it what you are doing now?'

I went 'yeah.. but i want to be a blessing to the pple around me..'

Then, i guess they have the right to poke fun and joke about it. But still it kinda hurt.. coz it's something personal.... and it sux when that happens.

So at the end of the discussion, the facilitator acutally used it to share with us about love of God... and he was saying that many people try all sort of things just to fill that void of being loved and accepted by others. and if it is void, then that's when the foundation of one's existance is shaken...

And i think that answers the question i ask earlier... why am i trying to find who i am?

Because i don't have that foundation of being loved and accepted...

And heck religion doesn't feel the gap as much as i long for...

So what's wrong with me?

10:10 PM

As long as you continue to be yourself, that's enough
-Shigure Sohma, Fruit Basket-

Never throw your life away.
-Folken, Escaflowne-

Touya: There are no such things are coincidences in this world--
Kaho: --there is only the inevitable.
-Cardcaptor Sakura-

Nothing costs as much as loving-
except not loving
-C.S Lewis, The four loves-

Love is different for everyone, Yahiko.
Among a hundred different people
there would be a hundred different forms of love
-Okina, Rurouni Kenshin

Sometimes people forget that they have the courage to live.
But as long as they have something in their hearts to believe in,
that courage will never vanish
-Sakura Kinomoto, Tsubasa Chronicles

Regret is just a waste of time for fools
-Cho Hakkai, Saiyuki

Welcome to this illusion I've created.
A world of our own, with our rules
-SeishirĊ Sakurazuka X/1999

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Eric Sim aka Kukuthebird