My Sancturay~

Looking out of the window
Watching the rain fall
As my heart cries out
For something to hold on to

Love turns to anger
Anger turns to hate
Hate turns the soul
To ugly coal black

A reversal process
Or maybe not
What matter most
Is the bleeding of the heart

The mountain shook
The earth tremble
The sea parts
The sky breaks

Where is the security
That everyone needs
Where is the love
In a world full of hate

'I' is the most used letter
As if the world revolves around it
Why can't there be more 'u'
To share the love around

Ideal thinking
Results to broken dreams
Daydreaming doesn't work
In a cold harsh world

Why do I write
These hopeless words
Where every expects
Some love from me

I tell you why
The reason for these words
The love has been suck out
With none returning to me

So now try to figure out
What i will do next
Perhaps i will fade away
Or just scream my existance away

Enough crap from me today. Relax, i won't do anything rash!

8:08 pm

'I got so much things to do.
I got to prioritize what is top priority
And what level of investment for best results and returns.'

Now that sounds so much like someone trying to work smart.
But how would you feel that it was referring to groups of people?

The situation goes like this..
You have different group of people vying for your attention, time and effort.
So you have to figure out how to juggle. So how?
Prioritize loh. And try and see which one seems more worth the effort. The ones that doesn't seem worth while cut it off. Continue nurturing the ones that seems to be improving/thriving.

Damn shit!

We are not commodities!! We are human beings who needs support and guidance from adults.. and no one wants to do it except you...

Or so I thought.

But now when there is merely 5 people going for it, some not so regular ones.. you want to scrape off the whole activity. I tell you frankly... it's low

It means that we are unwanted
It means that we are not worth your effort
It means that we are not important.

We don't care what you know
Until we know that you care.

That is how the youths think. And if you think you can change that particular mindset, i'm telling you, it's not going to work. I am not that affected because I have other people who supports me in my growth outside of church. But don't think everyone has the same luxury and same benefit.

You say so yourself that people need a group to help them stand on their two feet. Human thrive on acceptance. Not only from God, but also from Christians. Are you going to take that away from the very people who are the most suspectible to worldly influence.

I don't get it
I don't want to get it
I refuse to agree with you

At the end of the day, if you abandon the youths, I will just let things be. I quit championing for them. Twice a month seems too taxing for you though. But it still speaks a lot about your character and working style.

And i resent that youths are seen as things that require best returns and results.

4:06 pm

I watched and observe people. And the more I think of it, the more i feel

1) Awkward
2) Weird
3) Terrified

Just imagine that you have thoughts and feelings accumulating in your mind with no one to voice out and no one to talk to. And with your vivid imagination, you start thinking too much, wondering whether you are the cause of it. Or whether someone just finally realised the truth. Or worst, it was your fault that someone has changed.

People move around you, and you wonder whether you made an impact in their lives. And the one thing that you don't wish to observe, you get it. When that happens, you start going mad, and going insane.

I love things black and white. What happened 2 years ago was settled- black and white. I was merely overcoming my grief and hurt of being rejected.
Now, it is more greyish. More blackish grey if you ask me. I should never ask the question, and if the answer is a yes, i should never know that as well. But that is the ideal part. No one would know. No one would understand. I might end up setting up the flames again.

I hate uncertaintiy, and it sux.

But why should i feel uncertain when I know the conclusion of the play.
Because i don't know how the plot developed that result to that ending.

6:25 pm

Quotes

As long as you continue to be yourself, that's enough
-Shigure Sohma, Fruit Basket-

Never throw your life away.
-Folken, Escaflowne-

Touya: There are no such things are coincidences in this world--
Kaho: --there is only the inevitable.
-Cardcaptor Sakura-

Nothing costs as much as loving-
except not loving
-C.S Lewis, The four loves-

Love is different for everyone, Yahiko.
Among a hundred different people
there would be a hundred different forms of love
-Okina, Rurouni Kenshin

Sometimes people forget that they have the courage to live.
But as long as they have something in their hearts to believe in,
that courage will never vanish
-Sakura Kinomoto, Tsubasa Chronicles

Regret is just a waste of time for fools
-Cho Hakkai, Saiyuki

Welcome to this illusion I've created.
A world of our own, with our rules
-Seishirō Sakurazuka X/1999