When i think about the people who come and go in my life.. i feel really sad. Because the people i honestly care for somewhat disappear from my life. I am unsure who to trust or care for anymore.
Last time, i thought i could care for someone, but then, he changed.. (either that or he had put on a facade for all these times before revealing who he truly is.) My care, concern for him slowly fell away.. he slowly lost my respect and now, perhaps i feel hurt.
I hurt becuase i cared.. and it was never returned. In the past, i thought he was busy.. but as time passed, i realise how busy could he get. My family told me that they were worried that i was so captivated by him that i couldn't see his true colour. But now i did, my life kinda shattered. Is it my fault that i idolized him too much? Now, i feel as though a part of me shut out to the people around me...
Yesterday we had a gym class.. and there was this gym instructor who is a guy there... and for the first time, i realise i was so self conscious. And i realise that i get uneasy each time i either find a guy cute.. or i have a crush.. to protect myself from something. What is that something, i can never figure out. I cannot figure out at the moment. But i am beginning to suspect each time a guy who i like/respect shield himself away from me... a part of me just shut the world away.
I felt as though my pastor shut me out... if my pastor can do that... anyone could.. i honestly respected him. Where has he gone? or has he revealed his true self to me?
Perhaps i should just build a wall around my heart to protect myself.. then when you doesn't have expectations.. then you won't get disappointed.. when that happens.. then your heart is protected, to the extent when someone honestly loves you... Welcome to my sad reality of life... I can't trust anymore
As long as you continue to be yourself, that's enough
-Shigure Sohma, Fruit Basket-
Never throw your life away.
Touya: There are no such things are coincidences in this world--
Kaho: --there is only the inevitable.
Nothing costs as much as loving-
except not loving
-C.S Lewis, The four loves-
Love is different for everyone, Yahiko.
Among a hundred different people there would be a hundred different forms of love
-Okina, Rurouni Kenshin
Sometimes people forget that they have the courage to live.
But as long as they have something in their hearts to believe in, that courage will never vanish
-Sakura Kinomoto, Tsubasa Chronicles
Regret is just a waste of time for fools
-Cho Hakkai, Saiyuki
Welcome to this illusion I've created. A world of our own, with our rules
-Seishirō Sakurazuka X/1999