And I thought i have moved on. It's his birthday. Friday would be the... 3rd yr since i kinda ruined everything (depends on whose prespective).
At the rate things are going, I will never want to fall in love. I rather wait for someone to do it and then i decide whether it's worth loving or not. Empty promises and resolution. If i found someone really good, i would repeat the whole cycle all over again.
Anyway, i digress.
It's his 21st bday. And i won't want be there. For a few reasons. 1) The girlfriend is there 2) My JC mates are there 3) There is no point travelling for at least 2hrs there and back if i only intend to stay there for a short while and zao.
Why? I guess I'm fine if he has a gf and stuff. But the fact is that i have to put up a happy front and also brace on the onslaught of my JC classmates questionings when they realise i quit my course would be too much for me. It is suppose to be a happy moment for him. I don't wish for my presence to be a wet blanket. I want some dignity you know.
But the thought of me not attending his celebration somehow makes me a little bittersweet. I'm just a friend... sometimes one who would go crazy over anime and stuff. But nothing more could result from it. So basically it is a lost cause.
It annoys me that i am still clinging on at the end of the rope. I don't know this fondness for him is because that it is natural to feel that way for a friend or it's something more. I
f i can convince myself that my presence is insignificant, then i guess that would end it right? But what if i don't want my presence to be insignificant in his life?
I guess that's the main issue isn't it?
As long as you continue to be yourself, that's enough
-Shigure Sohma, Fruit Basket-
Never throw your life away.
Touya: There are no such things are coincidences in this world--
Kaho: --there is only the inevitable.
Nothing costs as much as loving-
except not loving
-C.S Lewis, The four loves-
Love is different for everyone, Yahiko.
Among a hundred different people there would be a hundred different forms of love
-Okina, Rurouni Kenshin
Sometimes people forget that they have the courage to live.
But as long as they have something in their hearts to believe in, that courage will never vanish
-Sakura Kinomoto, Tsubasa Chronicles
Regret is just a waste of time for fools
-Cho Hakkai, Saiyuki
Welcome to this illusion I've created. A world of our own, with our rules
-Seishirō Sakurazuka X/1999