My Sancturay~

Where do I start my musing?

I was aimlessly wandering around town and i realised i don't have many close friends

I was thinking who I would invite if i have a 21th bday celebration and i realise not many

I was thinking about the fact that i drop out of my previous course and go on to another new one and I am tired to try justifying that what i did was necessary and was a good choice.

I'm just sick and tired of trying to explain when all they go is 'har? why u quit.. you should just finish it before doing other stuff!'
I just want to tell them "does my decision affect you in anyway? If not, bug off!"
But i'm too well-mannered to say it so bluntly in people's face.

It's just frustrating. If I have to tell certain people certain things.. what would i say.

To my church mates.
Some of you made it enjoyable to go there and talk, chat and laugh together. Some had hurt me but i realise that in the end, we did hurt each other one way or another unconsciously.
Others who are just down right ignorant and blantantly obnoxious to think that the world evolves around them.
The worst are those who does things out of spite and say it done out of love. For that, you can jolly well just disappear from my life!

To the male population who doesn't think too highly of me
I'm easily pleased and downright dependent on people despite my tough act.
If you want a girl compliant and clingy, perhaps i wouldn't be a wise choice.
I have a wise ass tongue and a rude attitude towards you all coz it's better than being nice and sweet and then realise that you guys don't give a hoot about me.
Please, i do have some of my pride k

Lastly for people who think that i am doing a stupid thing by quitting my course
One word for you- butt off!

4:42 pm

Freaking damn screw up!!!

Go and get on with life.

Cut myself out of everyone

The more you expect from people, the worst the disappointment and the resentment.

I just want to stop depending on people.

But sadly i can't.

Freak damn it!

Why can't people stop talking behind people's back
Why can't they stop mocking each other
Why are people using people like stepping stones to something materially greater, forgetting that life isn't just about getting the best job, the large cold amount of cash, the prestige and the freaking damn ranking in stupid damn society
Why can't they learn how to love people more? instead of using them as tools and steps.............. treat them right!

You don't like me, tell it straight into my face
You hate me, just tell me
Better you tell me straight and let me deal with it, then to float around ignorant of your true feelings and making a mockery out myself.
If i am not that fantastic as a person, then why the hell do i exist?
Can't i do anything right? Can't i do anything useful?Can't i do anything that is of value to the damn sorry excuse of society?

Why must my personality be more extrovert than introvert? I really want to be less dependent on people. I wish i can watch movie on my own, not need to talk to people so often, not crave for companionship!

I want to be independent, self reliant.. and not need anyone of the sadistic, annoying mankind.

A burden, a chore............ is that what i am? A useless person in this time where manpower is undervalued and overworked?

Honestly, if i disappear from the face of the earth... i don't think anyone care

I don't think ANYONE CARE!

10:01 pm

Quotes

As long as you continue to be yourself, that's enough
-Shigure Sohma, Fruit Basket-

Never throw your life away.
-Folken, Escaflowne-

Touya: There are no such things are coincidences in this world--
Kaho: --there is only the inevitable.
-Cardcaptor Sakura-

Nothing costs as much as loving-
except not loving
-C.S Lewis, The four loves-

Love is different for everyone, Yahiko.
Among a hundred different people
there would be a hundred different forms of love
-Okina, Rurouni Kenshin

Sometimes people forget that they have the courage to live.
But as long as they have something in their hearts to believe in,
that courage will never vanish
-Sakura Kinomoto, Tsubasa Chronicles

Regret is just a waste of time for fools
-Cho Hakkai, Saiyuki

Welcome to this illusion I've created.
A world of our own, with our rules
-Seishirō Sakurazuka X/1999