My Sancturay~

It's amazing that you are still hung up on him.

It's even more amazing to realise that he is still hung up on her...

I always told myself- never compromise for crumbs when you can have the cookie.
Right now, I am settling for the smell of the cookies instead.

It really earnestly shock me to see how much I just wished and longed for someone to just love and care for... I must as well get a dog to do just that. At least it reciprocate your feelings.

But I am not that cold hearted to think that I could survive with a dog. No. I want a relationship.. someone I could take care of, be friend with and who supports me and accept me for who I am...

Now I sound borderline desperate.

I'm not... I just feel so pathatic that I crave for a companion so much that I settled for the smell of cookie.. I have effectively undervalued myself and marketed myself as rejected goods which is being marked down by 90% to the male population.

I refuse to put myself through this again

9:21 pm

Sometimes, i just wonder how my thought process exactly work....

Seriously...

I can do the silliest thing, the most nonsensical things and utterly stupid things.
The worst part- at that point in time, I thought it was a brilliant idea.

How on earth can leaving things on a bed end up being thrown away? Why not leave it on the table, or on the chest, or even still, on the bloody laptop!

Sometimes, i just wonder why am I so ignorant how I am towards others. I mean, seriously, who really cares that much about what I think, feel and my opinions?

Why do I bother being a lousy joker, a boring clown or a second grade enthusastic in interests that I don't exactly care? Why should i bother on soccer, F1 and everything else that seems so male? So that they would talk to me?

Heck, do you even think that guys would want to talk to you? Why should they talk to a self conscious, strong opinioned and uninteresting girl like me?

Yes, I am self conscious around guys
Yes, I have my own opinions ans I don't like it when someone tell me that I am wrong just because it differs from them
Lastly, i am not interesting. I don't exhibit the 'vulnerable' part of feminitiy. Neither am I pretty. Heck, I am plain looking. I can't offer my opinions that much, because they are either bias, or just nonsense.

Seriously, am I even worth the trouble? I can't seem to do anything right. I am tempremental, quick to judge, emotional- borderline hysterical. I say what I think, and I think negatively. Does anyone want to talk to someone who always spoils the parade? Or love to harp on the negative aspect of the coin. How about being an irritating girl who whines and 'manjas' just to try and get things her way.

Heck, this girl isn't even cute! Do you honestly think that a sweet, kind girl, with a backbone of steel and a heart of gold could ever be so DUMB and do the most nonsensical thing? And thought it was the most brilliant thing she could ever think of?

I don't think so...

Just tell me, why do I seriously matter when I am a klutz, clumpsy, boring, low self esteem and irritating- yes IRRITATING brat?

I have no idea...

9:41 pm

Quotes

As long as you continue to be yourself, that's enough
-Shigure Sohma, Fruit Basket-

Never throw your life away.
-Folken, Escaflowne-

Touya: There are no such things are coincidences in this world--
Kaho: --there is only the inevitable.
-Cardcaptor Sakura-

Nothing costs as much as loving-
except not loving
-C.S Lewis, The four loves-

Love is different for everyone, Yahiko.
Among a hundred different people
there would be a hundred different forms of love
-Okina, Rurouni Kenshin

Sometimes people forget that they have the courage to live.
But as long as they have something in their hearts to believe in,
that courage will never vanish
-Sakura Kinomoto, Tsubasa Chronicles

Regret is just a waste of time for fools
-Cho Hakkai, Saiyuki

Welcome to this illusion I've created.
A world of our own, with our rules
-Seishirō Sakurazuka X/1999