My Sancturay~

You know how a tragedy in hollywood unwittingly garner so much publicity that someone ended spending money to watch their movie again or google their name on internet. Some might see the previous post as a 'eh, is there something wrong with her?' and wonder how dramatic a girl can get. I mean, serious. She is drama!!! Maybe not as extreme as a friend of hers. But she has a knack of dramatizing events.

But you know. I am beginning to realise that suicide takes real courage. It takes courage to stand on the ledge at the 18th floor, daring you to take a step out into space. Or it takes courage to pull a trigger of the gun that is on your forehead. Those are more active way of doing it. If one does it passively, one could opt for overdoze or carbon monoxide poisoning. Drowning might be another option. But that one would be slightly tougher. I think it's impossible to suffocate oneself to death.

Why would it be tough? Because a human's will to live is stronger than the human's will to die. Unless of course, life is so bleak and they could see no future. Then committing suicide is easier than to stay in the world living like a zombie. Could you imagine my shock when I saw the news that Heath Ledge died!?!?

Okay, for the guys- it's the gay cowboy on brokeback mountain movie. For the girls, it's the psychotic joker in the upcoming movie- dark knight. He is only 28 and he is dead. DEAD! Imagine my shock when the thoughts in the previous paragraph ran through my head at the moment when he had a drug overdoze and died. It scares the socks out of your feet!?!?

'Okay, wait..' You must be thinking. Who are you to talk abt suicide? You don't know what it is like to be out there suffering. You have everything- food to eat, water to drink, a roof over your head, clothes to wear, shoes to agonize over and a school to go to. What the hell are you thinking of ending your life?!?

Heath Ledge has everything- career, a rather dysfunctional nuclear family and money. Yet when the news came out, there are people who are cold and callous, equating him as a junkie and ought to die for wasting space in world. I mean, he is one of the 6 billion people in this planet. If he is going to be a junkie, then why not let him die... Good riddance.

WRONG! I think he just couldn't find someone to talk to. That is the price of fame. You don't know who to trust, who would sell your story to the public. He is only 28 damn it! He has a career after Dark Knight. I think that would be his breakout role man! He is only 7 years older than me, in his prime age. Life was suppose to peak at that point... So why suicide?!? How many people in society walk around, wondering whether there is purpose in the world?

It's obvious that there is a considerable number of teenagers in US sees a bleak future. Hence the number of school massacre that litter the newspapers. How many Singaporean students jump when they realise they screw up their PSLE. It's just PSLE. Some might say. But PSLE would lead to O'Levels and subsquently influence whether you go to ITE, Poly or JC. If you enter the wrong school, the principal might discourage you to go on taking O'Levels at Secondary 5 because she thinks that you would not make it and hence pull down the school marks. How many people jumped on the train tracks, disrupting the morning rush hour and throw the entire S'pore society into mayhem?

Suicide. A loathed word. It is associated with irresponsibility, recklessness, immaturity, cowarcy. But it should also be associated with desperateness, pain, suffocation and a LOUD WARNING SIGNAL. While I don't agree that suicide is a way to solve problem, I think anyone who is suicidal should never be treated casually or lightly. It might be their only way to tell the world that they need help. But if society is going to label suiciders as losers, i think the heart of society has turned into cold hard stone.

Conclusion: Don't judge, say things out of saying things. You want to know why a person feels this way, talk to them. Don't give advices. Shrinks, social workers and stuff are there to provide all solutions to problems, no matter how impractical they can get. That's why they set up hotlines. It isn't a place to give advice. It's a place to listen and try to work out solution.

P.S: I'm fine. Just fad-up with simplification and isolation. However unsure how to put thoughts into words. Don't bother asking. If I feel like talking, i will. Yes. I'm a snob... a snobbish girl who had entertained dark thoughts.

9:58 am

We all respect freedom of speech... Right? Then don't be offended what I'm going to say next. But just let me say it out.. :)

GOOD GOSH! Why is everyone cramping meeting up? I mean, you all want to meet up, then fine.. Please tell me the date and time. It's very tiring trying to guess your schedule and when I suggest a date, everyone says they can't make it. Yeah, i need to accomodate.. Blah! I've been accomodating for years! When you guys have holidays, i have school... When you all have this, i have that. And i try to accomodate... Does anyone have any idea how high is my energy level? Sorry, for a girl who sleeps 10hours a day, I get tired easily. Not to mention this week I will be more prone to get tired. So please, be nice, courteous and remember when organizing dates and meetings, please tell dates, not days. And not let the organizer try and figure out your free dates.

Of course, it's easier for the organizer if he or she just pluck a date and then allow pple to decide whether they are free to attend or not. However, trying to get GRPS of pple to attend is a challenge. *Take in deep breath* I think those who I'm trying to meet for the past few days would know what I'm talking about. It's easier for me to just let you guys figure it out by yourself and if the date is not suitable, i just take myself out of the equation and let you guys meet up. But I made a promise to myself not to neglect my friends, especially those who i hold dear. So don't make me break that resolution by being so... whatever..

Gosh.. i'm tired, cranky and need of sleep. I think i better do that soon if not i'll snap at someone on msn...

9:45 am

Quotes

As long as you continue to be yourself, that's enough
-Shigure Sohma, Fruit Basket-

Never throw your life away.
-Folken, Escaflowne-

Touya: There are no such things are coincidences in this world--
Kaho: --there is only the inevitable.
-Cardcaptor Sakura-

Nothing costs as much as loving-
except not loving
-C.S Lewis, The four loves-

Love is different for everyone, Yahiko.
Among a hundred different people
there would be a hundred different forms of love
-Okina, Rurouni Kenshin

Sometimes people forget that they have the courage to live.
But as long as they have something in their hearts to believe in,
that courage will never vanish
-Sakura Kinomoto, Tsubasa Chronicles

Regret is just a waste of time for fools
-Cho Hakkai, Saiyuki

Welcome to this illusion I've created.
A world of our own, with our rules
-Seishirō Sakurazuka X/1999