My Sancturay~

Girl...

You know.. 4 years on a guy who doesn't really think much of you. It isn't worth it.

There are times that people have to talk it out. But you know what's the worst thing? I cannot phrase it into words. I feel like.. I can't say it out. So I'm going to try now.

I liked his smile, his positive attitude. Most of all, I liked the way he can calm me down when I am anxious and worried. But during this 2-3 years away from him, I start to wonder, 'do i still like him, or do i prefer the memory of him more?'

Hence my problem.. If I get to know him now, will I still love him?

Deep inside, based on whatever I'm going through now. I think it's too much of an effort to continue loving him. He doesn't talk. He doesn't share. I have to probe.
I hate to probe. It is because when I want to know what's the problem, I will dive head into the issue. I won't waste time tiptoeing, dipping my feet in the 'test'. How many times I gotten myself hurt? How many times have I made my life miserable? Yet this is the fastest way because I hate wasting time and effort investing on things that are not worth while.

So where does that leave me? A love that is based on past experience? Or something that is tangible and real? Heck, it's not that I am having a one-sided love affair with a person. I'm having it with an image, an ideal of a person. Now tell me, what am I doing?

11:18 pm

Quotes

As long as you continue to be yourself, that's enough
-Shigure Sohma, Fruit Basket-

Never throw your life away.
-Folken, Escaflowne-

Touya: There are no such things are coincidences in this world--
Kaho: --there is only the inevitable.
-Cardcaptor Sakura-

Nothing costs as much as loving-
except not loving
-C.S Lewis, The four loves-

Love is different for everyone, Yahiko.
Among a hundred different people
there would be a hundred different forms of love
-Okina, Rurouni Kenshin

Sometimes people forget that they have the courage to live.
But as long as they have something in their hearts to believe in,
that courage will never vanish
-Sakura Kinomoto, Tsubasa Chronicles

Regret is just a waste of time for fools
-Cho Hakkai, Saiyuki

Welcome to this illusion I've created.
A world of our own, with our rules
-Seishirō Sakurazuka X/1999