Thursday, September 02, 2010

Being direct and frank is a strength of mine- it can be used to tell someone about the rights and the wrongs in their lives and also be an advocate for something I am passionate over. It will however rub people the wrong way, so I have to use it wisely.

I have been moving in so many areas- I changed church 3 times, moved twice, uprooted from schools twice (ACJC and Nanyang Poly) and yet i showed resilience to cope with changes that they admired.

I am one that struggles with God regarding the things I do in life. However, when I finish my struggles, I always end up aligning myself back to God. It is seen during the period where I struggled to be a teacher, serving full time or being a ST.

I never saw myself that way. I always thought that being direct and frank was something that I should curb. Yet, I realised it is a gift that I can either misuse or edify God. I will choose the latter.

I thought I was horrible during changes. Yet, my DG saw so many changes in my life that they wonder how I managed to cope with everything.

I thought I complained a lot. That is true though. However, after everything, I forget how it leads me back to God and then I start being passionate in whatever I am committed to do.

However, Eeleen, during my PT pointed out fundamental flaws in my own defense armour- how I am still a hurting spirit, searching for love and approval from the wrong places. I allowed the bad experiences in the past fester into a horrible wound that bleeds at the slightest probe.

However, it isn't healthy. I saw how the need to be approved by my peers driven me away from church, cell, friends and stuff and I will never be truly contented unless I deal with the important issues in my life.

So, first thing to do is to write mock letters to each and everyone who had hurt me in the past and choose to forgive instead of nursing the anger and the hate.

Then I have to figure out how to fill my thoughts not with negative thinking about myself but positive ones that will bring me back to God and His love for me.

Then the inward changes will result in outward transformation in my life.

11:04 PM

As long as you continue to be yourself, that's enough
-Shigure Sohma, Fruit Basket-

Never throw your life away.
-Folken, Escaflowne-

Touya: There are no such things are coincidences in this world--
Kaho: --there is only the inevitable.
-Cardcaptor Sakura-

Nothing costs as much as loving-
except not loving
-C.S Lewis, The four loves-

Love is different for everyone, Yahiko.
Among a hundred different people
there would be a hundred different forms of love
-Okina, Rurouni Kenshin

Sometimes people forget that they have the courage to live.
But as long as they have something in their hearts to believe in,
that courage will never vanish
-Sakura Kinomoto, Tsubasa Chronicles

Regret is just a waste of time for fools
-Cho Hakkai, Saiyuki

Welcome to this illusion I've created.
A world of our own, with our rules
-SeishirĊ Sakurazuka X/1999

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Eric Sim aka Kukuthebird