Saturday, September 25, 2010

I need to stop and regroup. But with so many things happening a 10000km/hr, I can't find the time to get the solitude I need to regroup and gather my thoughts.

I went for a career networking event by MINDEF. It made me want to try out and see whether I am cut out for it. However, I am wondering what is luring me into it- the idea of using whatever knowledge I got from history and political science and the interesting learning opportunities that it offers. It opened my eyes wide to the other possibilities that I could do after graduation and I am tempted.

However, I am hesitant. Is it me attempting to drown out the voice of God?

I was a little disappointed that I did not get the offer from MOE. So I thought it was a good thing I signed up for the MINDEF networking event. Then the day before the event, I got an email stating that I was offered a provisional teaching contract.

That's the problem with me. When I have too many choices, I don't know what to do. The MINDEF job is interesting but I only stand to gain. It appeals to me personally. However, I don't have a dream connected to the job. If I pass through the writing test and interview, I will like the job because it appeals to the intellect within me. But I don't share the dream that MINDEF has.

The dream to be an influence in the lives of students is something heartfelt but so loaded. Knowing myself, I will unconsciously be sucked into the world of trying to produce grades that I forget the dream that I want to be a role model and make an impact into the lives of the children.

So appeal to the self interest that I have or dare to dream big and take the risk of failure...

I think that is the thing- If I fail any stage of the interview, I know I'm not cut out for the job. If I fail to make an impact on the children, a sense of failure would be attached and I think that will destroy me more.

Finally, I found the crux of my problem... :/ Not a good dilemma though. Knowing me, I will just run and find a way out not to experience failure.

11:04 PM

As long as you continue to be yourself, that's enough
-Shigure Sohma, Fruit Basket-

Never throw your life away.
-Folken, Escaflowne-

Touya: There are no such things are coincidences in this world--
Kaho: --there is only the inevitable.
-Cardcaptor Sakura-

Nothing costs as much as loving-
except not loving
-C.S Lewis, The four loves-

Love is different for everyone, Yahiko.
Among a hundred different people
there would be a hundred different forms of love
-Okina, Rurouni Kenshin

Sometimes people forget that they have the courage to live.
But as long as they have something in their hearts to believe in,
that courage will never vanish
-Sakura Kinomoto, Tsubasa Chronicles

Regret is just a waste of time for fools
-Cho Hakkai, Saiyuki

Welcome to this illusion I've created.
A world of our own, with our rules
-SeishirĊ Sakurazuka X/1999

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Eric Sim aka Kukuthebird